Lions and tigers and Shules, oh my!
by imsuper-who-locked
Summary: One-shot, fluff. Based on "Lassie Jerky" (7x03) when Jules showed her interest in hiking and the outdoors. Shawn decides to accompany her on a real camping trip... will they be able to last the night?


"We're going to die."

The man looked at his girlfriend with terror in his eyes. Never had so gorgeous and perfect a couple been subjected to such tremendous horrors until this day. He could only hope that their deaths would leave a greater message to the world, and that in the afterlife they would meet again, their love stronger than it had ever been—

She raised an eyebrow at him skeptically. "Shawn, we're not even out of the car yet."

The psychic gave her a pleading look. "Exactly! We still have time! The keys are still in the ignition, Jules! We can go back to the Psych office and make some nachos and curl up on the sofa and watch _How I Met Your Mother _reruns!"

Jules gave him a look and he sighed deeply. "Alright. But when you're pinned down by a bear and you're about to have your kidney ripped from the inner linings of your body, just picture Barney and me saying 'I told you so.'" He reluctantly pulled the passenger door open and stepped out onto the gravel parking lot.

For a moment he stood still and listened. He could hear the wind rustling in the trees, birds chirping above. He glanced over and saw Jules listening too, her face in a rare relaxed smile. Shawn smiled in response. Whatever terrors were bound to assault them on this overnight trip, it was already worth it to see that expression on her face.

He went around to the trunk and pulled out everything they'd need—the tiny little tent, the sleeping bags all rolled up on top of their enormous back-pack things, and all the snacks that Shawn had managed to shove into every nook and cranny. Juliet was going to get a lot of surprises when she looked for her toothbrush tonight.

"Here, Shawn, let me take some of that."

Jules came around and pulled her backpack out with ease. By the time he had managed to lift the stupid thing out of the trunk she had managed all of the complicated buckles and was looking at him expectantly.

Shawn blinked. "This thing is a deathtrap. Those buckles are designed to keep you trapped and helpless while wolves slowly tear you to shreds. You can't run when you're carrying twenty pounds of sleeping bags and Ranch Doritos on your back."

"Even _if _there were wolves out here, which there are not, why would they go for me? You're obviously the weaker of us; you'd be so much easier to take down."

She grinned as he sputtered for words. Normally his girlfriend was nowhere near as snarky as he was, but every now and again she managed to get in a good dig. He lifted the pack painfully onto his back, muttering. "I'd probably taste better anyway. You're nothing but dense packed muscle, way too chewy for tender wolf jaws. Plus I had jerk chicken with Gus for lunch so it's an added bonus."

"You need help with that?"

"Please," he snorted. He began snapping buckles at random, amused as she winced. A few moments later he glanced down. Well, some buckles were done. There was a loner on the top and bottom but that would just make it all the easier to get off later.

Jules rolled her eyes and walked over, unbuckling everything. He had been about to make another witty comment, but her slim fingers skimming across his chest made the retort fly straight out of his head. It was all he could do to keep breathing right.

Her hands paused, and she sighed a bit. "Shawn, are you sure you want to do this? We can always get back in the car and tent out in the Psych office. I even saw Breakfast Club on tonight."

Shawn considered it—but only for a brief moment. He remembered the sparkle in Jules' eyes by the light of the campfire on the night that they had accidentally spent in the woods a few weeks ago, the pride she had felt making their fire. He had been avoiding an outdoors trip for long enough. "Nah. Let's brave the wilderness. Sockydawaya and her bumbling sidekick, travelling the lands."

Smirking, she started on his buckles again. "Sacagawea."

"No, Jules, I meant Sockydawaya. Lesser known sister to Sacagawea. Lesser known because she led her bumbling sidekick off a cliff accidentally. Also, she didn't have a baby on her back but a miniature Schnauzer, wrapped burrito-style."

That sparked a history debate that took them from the parking lot and onto the path that would lead to their campsite. Juliet loved to test his history knowledge against hers—even though his gift should have given him a clear advantage, he had to admit that the girl knew her stuff. By the time that conversation had trailed off they were deep into the woods, the car having long gone out of sight.

Shawn's back was beginning to scream in agony. Before it had been at a low, pitiful moan, one that he had been able to easily ignore. But now the pain clawed up his spine, and he mentally pictured himself shoving Hostess Cakes, one after another, in the cracks of his sleeping bag. Next time they would be packing no food. Next time they were living off of roots and scat.

Jules glanced back at him from a few paces ahead. There was a bright color in her cheeks and her eyes were as bright. "Come on, Shawn, not giving up on me now, are you?"

"Psychics are notoriously slow hikers," he called back, hitching the pack up tighter on his shoulders with a grimace. "We use so many muscles in our brains that our leg muscles are like sponges. Get Woody to cut open my skull with his chainsaw and you'll see. Fifty pounds of pure muscle right here in this cranium. That plus this little pack, just a bit too much."

"Uh-huh." She waited near the top of a small hill until he caught up, panting. "Come on, we're almost there."

"Almost there" turned out to be fifteen more minutes of hiking. By the time they reached their camping spot even Jules was breathing harder than normal, although she immediately stripped herself of her pack and began unpacking their tent. Shawn sat right down in the dirt, leaning back so that his torture device rested against the ground.

He tried to think of a good 80s quote to sum up the situation, but none came to mind. Jules dug around among her clothes, her expression growing more and more exasperated. "Really, Shawn? We are not going to eat five boxes' worth of Twinkies in one night. And how did you manage to fit so many soda cans in one sleeping bag?"

"That is nothing but pure talent. Someday my ability to pack ridiculous amounts of snacks in a very small space will save my life. Most likely tomorrow, when we inevitably fail to find our way back and resort to making our supply of food last the week. By Thursday everything will be gone, and we'll either have to adapt to this environment and become Tarzan and Jane or have a battle to the death over who gets to be the cannibal."

"You wouldn't sacrifice yourself for me?" Juliet asked with a pout.

Shawn pretended to consider. "Well, alright. Just as long as you be sure to make my teeth and bones into cool jewelry. I don't want any parts of me wasted."

Before the sun had neared the horizon the tent was set up, which Shawn viewed as a very big accomplishment. Jules had obviously built her fair share of tents before, but they had bought it just a few days ago. The moment her boyfriend had expressed an interest (albeit a somewhat reluctant interest) in trying out her passion for the wilderness, she had dragged him to the nearest outdoor gear store to purchase supplies. The poles and pins and ropes pictured on the box had terrified him nearly into a comatose state, but she had _tsked, _said, "This looks simple," and thrown it into their cart.

Three attempts later (including one in which Shawn somehow managed to turn the entire thing inside-out), their tiny little shelter was straight and secured. Jules set up two lawn chairs where their fire would be and clapped her hands. "There! Now that we have camp set up, let's go exploring!"

Shawn gave her a pained look. "I thought looking for the campsite was the exploring part. This is the sit-back-and-eat-hot-dogs-until-you-puke part."

She grabbed his hand and pulled him up from where he had been sitting, dragging him back into the trees. Without the burden of their backpacks they were able to walk a lot faster, and Shawn actually found himself sort of enjoying the experience a bit more. The sun shone at them through the trees, the sky was just beginning to gather sunset colors, and he could hear the wind rustling calmly above them. Juliet gave a contented sigh and squeezed his hand. "Thanks for doing this. I know nature isn't your favorite thing."

"Yeah, but you are."

She rolled her eyes but he could tell that she was touched. And really, how long had it been since the two of them had been able to get away from everything—absolutely everything? Even when they were at home together (and Shawn still felt a thrill in his stomach every time he thought that word, _home_) they had paperwork to do, sometimes emergency calls came in for Jules, often Gus stopped by, and they never really had time alone to just relax. On this trip they had turned the cell phones off and buried them in the bottom of their bags.

About half an hour later they turned back (Jules was complaining that Shawn's angry stomach was scaring all of the wildlife away) and by some miracle managed to find the campsite again. As a further miracle, all of their stuff was still there. Shawn had expected to find nothing but shreds of material and empty wrappers strewn around while a pair of bright eyes watched from the depths of the deepening twilight. "It will start with our backpacks," he had said dramatically to Jules. "And the minute we turn our backs, the tent will be gone. And unless we cling to each other very tightly all night, one of us will disappear, leaving the other to wander in shock and misery until they too succumb to the horrors that lurk in the trees."

"You and Gus have been watching too many slasher movies."

"Correction: I have been watching too many slasher movies. Gus has been hiding under the blanket with the popcorn bowl and missing out on all the best parts. Don't worry, I know all the common mistakes. Under no circumstances should either of us wander off on our own in search of help or utter the phrase '_Did you hear that?'_"

"I'll try to restrain myself," she said, and then paused, cocking her head toward the woods with an inquisitive expression. Shawn quickly put a hand against her mouth. She kissed it playfully.

Jules had a fire up and going within five minutes, and soon the smell of cooking hot dogs filled the air. By that time the sun had fully set and he could only see flashes of her face in the light of the flames. They had only packed two iron spits, but Shawn had managed that by poking ten hot dogs on one. Jules had given him an exasperated expression, but by now she had no doubt that he would eat them all, along with the two boxes of HoHos that he was currently plowing through. She sometimes thought that his stomach was nothing but a giant black hole.

A little past midnight Shawn started to sing. He was a very good singer, although he didn't do it often. Usually when he sang in public he made it goofy and ridiculous (sometimes she remembered the _American Duos _case and shuddered a little at the memory), but when he was with her he would sing seriously. He had a real knack for harmonies and if she chimed in with her timid melody he would transform the entire song. They sang "Total Eclipse of the Heart," "Sunday Morning," and, of course, "Bohemian Rhapsody." The flames crackled slowly lower and lower so that his face became obscured in the darkness. That was alright—she had every feature memorized.

Finally there were only a few dying embers among the ashes. They had huddled together as the night progressed to attempt to shelter from the growing wind and Shawn's hand was warm in hers. They didn't speak for a long time, just listening to the rustle of the trees above and the occasional hoot of an owl. "Are you still scared of bears?" Jules asked finally, her voice slightly hushed.

He squeezed her hand. "Not when I've got a kickass cop at my side," he murmured back, and she grinned into the darkness. "Besides," he added, a sudden sly tone to his voice, "I know how to keep bears away."

She pulled away to look at his face. She could just barely see the glint of his eyes now. "Oh yeah? How's that?"

"There's a certain noise that all bears are terrified of. If we do it for a while, there won't be any bears within twenty miles of this campsite and we'll be safe all night."

"Well, you gotta teach me the noise then."

He pulled her up into his arms and kissed her. He was so warm after the cold breath of the wind on her face and she leaned closer, running her hands through the hair she loved so much. He slowly and gently tugged her back, going around their lawn chairs and toward the tent's entrance. As they did, he taught her a few bear-scaring noises—they were a sort of passionate, low moan that came from deep in the stomach. She repeated them back to him, arms now curled tightly around his neck. Somehow he managed to get the flap of the tent open and they collapsed onto their outspread sleeping bags.

And they must have scared away all of the bears within a hundred miles.

In the early afternoon, as they were repacking all of their equipment and leftover food (which, Juliet was shocked to discover, considering the insane amounts her boyfriend had packed, was not very much), she glanced over at him with a somewhat curious expression on her face. Sensing her stare, he glanced up. "See anything unbearably handsome?"

Jules rolled her eyes playfully. They were leaving just a few hours earlier than normal since she had checked her messages and found three from Lassiter; the way that they slowly progressed from slightly annoyed to furious was both funny and terrifying. Apparently a new crime scene had been processed early this morning and there was a big stack of paperwork waiting on her desk. Needless to say, she was taking her time with packing.

"What made you decide to try this?" she asked. "After the fiasco with those Serbs I figured you would never set foot near a tree again."

He paused. "While that was a traumatizing experience, the trees were not at fault. I have never before seen a tree wield a gun and if I did, I would stop drinking." He grinned and his voice became more serious. "We're a couple now. We're a _living-together _couple. I figured now is the time to get to know you in every way I can and decide if I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

She would never be able to understand how he could make her laugh and tear up with emotion in the same breath. "So what's the verdict?" she asked, embarrassed at how tight her voice sounded.

Shawn dropped the sleeping bag he had been attempting to roll up and walked over to where she was standing. He gently tugged the clothes out of her arms and said, "The rest of my life is not long enough."

_We are definitely going out hiking more often_, Juliet thought as their lips met once again. Lassiter was just going to have to wait, or fill out that damn paperwork on his own. She had better things to do.


End file.
